Letters to my younger self...

One of the most impactful pieces of my emotional healing and transformation has been the practice of writing letters to my younger self.

This is a very basic tool that I learned in the early days of incorporating self-compassion skills into my own mental health journey. It is a practice that I come back to over and over again, for one reason.... because it works!

It is something that I also suggest often to my clients when we inevitably uncover their own untended emotional wounds.

I recently wrote the following letter to my 3-year-old self after uncovering an early emotional wound during a powerful session of meditation.

Dearest little one,

I see your fear and confusion. You are safe now. You do not yet know how to lovingly hold space for your own emotions, and that's ok. You will learn.

You should never have been asked to make your needs smaller, quieter, or less burdensome to accommodate the comfort of your caregivers. Some of the adults around you could not give you what you needed simply because they never learned how to do that even for themselves.

You are allowed to feel the fear, the hurt, the anger, and the need for reassurance and comfort. I will hold that for you now so that you can finally rest.

For a time, you will respond to this emotional abandonment by learning to abandon yourself. This is a survival instinct. But the abandonment will not last forever. You will learn to allow and then heal these wounds as you lovingly reparent your childhood self. Your resilience and capacity to keep going until you finally discover the needed tools for your own healing is nothing short of miraculous.

You are worthy and deserving of the loving safety that you seek. Though it does not come in the ways, or in the time frame that you deserve, it will come. You will learn to be your own source of unconditional love and safety.

The journey will eventually prove to be worth it. You will learn to channel your own pain and healing into creating space to lovingly hold the pain of others, thereby facilitating even more healing in the world.

You no longer need to be afraid of what you feel. Though it doesn't seem so now, your ability to feel so deeply will one day serve as your greatest source of connection to others.

You are loved. You are safe. You are worthy.

You do not deserve this pain, but you will eventually channel it into something truly beautiful. Thank you for enduring. I am here to help you hold this pain and I will never walk away from you again.

Love,

Future You

Willingness to Begin

<< I overheard this while watching the Olympics with my kids yesterday and I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’m pretty sure it was part of a Nike commercial, so congrats to their effective marketing team I guess.

I definitely regret that I spent so much of my one beautiful life on avoiding the things I wanted to try, simply because I was worried that I wouldn’t be good at them. The irony of choosing not to try at all is that I guaranteed the very thing that I was trying to avoid. By not allowing myself to be a beginner at things, I insured that I would never achieve greatness in those things either.

I didn't even give myself the chance to try and see what could have been possible.

I see my own kids doing this now and it breaks my heart because I’ve had the privilege of seeing what they are capable of when they choose to put their mind to something.

When my son asks me, "Mom, do you think I could make it to the Olympics someday?" my response is a resounding yes. Followed by an explanation of what it means to work REALLY hard for something that you want. I want him to believe in the impossible, because I know that is the only way he will push the boundaries of what is possible for him.

My son hates to be a beginner at things. He wants to be instantly good at anything he tries, and he often wants to give up even when he is showing improvement. I hope that my constant urgings to let himself be a beginner are seeping in and settling.

Can you imagine a world in which Simone Biles never attempted her first back handspring?

What if Adam Peaty hadn’t taken his first plunge into the pool?

How sad would it be if Noah Lyles and Andre De Grasse took a look at Usain Bolt’s record breaking career and decided that it wasn’t even worth attempting to beat him?

I don’t want to live in that world.

I’m so inspired by watching people push their own boundaries and I’m so grateful to these current Olympians who are willing to do it all in front of a global audience!

It all has me wondering where I’m still holding myself back. What am I not even trying because I’m not yet certain that I’ll succeed?

That’s the discomfort that I am currently choosing to sit in because I genuinely want to know the answers. But I wouldn’t be a very good coach if I didn’t invite you to do it with me.

Is there something that you are interested in but haven’t started yet because you’re not certain that you’ll succeed?

Is it possible that someone is waiting for you to be their example of what is possible (even if that someone is you)?

What if you were willing to be a beginner?

Belief

be·lief

noun

1. an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists

Over the past few years, I have adopted the tradition of choosing a word to focus on throughout each calendar year. Some of my recent words have been Simplify, Connection, and Intention. These words served me well by providing me with some extra focus and opportunity for introspection throughout the year.

For the coming year, I’ve chosen the word BELIEF.

When I sat down to ponder what word I could choose for my 2021 focus, this word came to me almost instantly. I knew instinctively that it was the perfect choice for the growth that I am seeking in the coming months, both personally and in my business.

Through my own self-coaching work, the coaching I have received from others, and the amazing clients that I have had the privilege of coaching over the last year, I have come to understand just how powerful our beliefs can be.

The beliefs we ascribe to, whether consciously or subconsciously, have a direct impact on how we experience the world, those around us, and ourselves.

In 2021, I want to be more intentional about my beliefs. I want to pull them out of the shadows and take a closer look at what they are and how they are impacting my life. I want to get better at choosing my beliefs intentionally. I want to root out the beliefs I have been carrying for years that are no longer in alignment with who I am aiming to become. In my relationships, my business, my religion, my motherhood, and every other aspect of my life, I am ready to start choosing beliefs that serve me. I am done living as a servant to the beliefs that have been offered to me by others.

Most of my current beliefs are nothing more than a collection of thoughts that I have been thinking on repeat for so long that I have begun to see them as fact. Some of these long held beliefs continue to serve me, but I have become increasingly aware of just how many of my beliefs have gone unexamined for too many years.

For example, here are just a few of the (mostly unconscious) beliefs that I have uncovered and worked to root out of my own thoughts over the last year or so:

• Martyrdom is a necessary part of motherhood.

• I am responsible for other people’s emotions.

• I am not a dog person (if you know, you know).

• I am capable of disappointing God.

• I need the approval of those around me.

• Certain parts of me are unlovable and need to be changed.

• If I could fail, I shouldn’t even try.

I am genuinely excited to focus on building a collection of very intentional beliefs in the coming year. I anticipate that it will be a journey filled with varying levels of discomfort and a strong dose of resistance from time to time. But I am also deeply encouraged by my newfound belief that everything I hope to have or become is on the other side of discomfort.

In the words of my mentor Brooke Castillo, “Discomfort is the currency of your dreams. The more uncomfortable you are willing to be, the closer your life will align to what you want it to be.”

If you are ready to step into the discomfort and empowerment that comes from examining your own beliefs and start taking ownership over what they are creating in your life, click here. I would be so honored to be your guide.

I can’t wait for you too see how incredible this journey can be!