I used to be convinced that no one liked me.
Believed that I was inherently unlikable and that I needed to figure out how to be someone else in order to be accepted. It didn’t matter how accepting or inclusive people were, there was always the thought in the back of my head that they were just pretending. That I was the charity case and that people only felt bad for me. I changed friends frequently because I was trying so hard to find a place where I felt accepted and safe. It didn't work.
I didn’t understand that the reason I felt so unaccepted was that I had no concept of how to accept myself. I didn’t know that the safety I craved was something I could only create internally.
Twice, when someone I was dating worked up the nerve to tell me that they loved me, I broke off the relationship. (My now husband was one of them. Bless his persistent heart.) Both times I told them that they were confused. Explained that they couldn’t possibly love me if they actually knew me. Apologized for leading them to believe I was someone that I was not. Someone that was worthy of their love.
I didn’t know that the person who was truly incapable of loving me was myself.
I was in my 30s before I really started to do the work of learning to love and accept myself.
I still notice that old script creeping up in my brain. The one that says people might not like me. But it doesn’t debilitate me into pretending and hiding anymore. At least not the majority of the time.
I’m doing the ongoing work of getting to know myself.
I’ve learned how to cultivate internal safety and acceptance.
I know that not everyone will like me, and that doesn’t scare me anymore.
I am comfortable letting myself be seen and I trust that the people who choose to stay are the exact ones that were always meant to play a part in my story.
This is the same work that I do with my clients.
I help them come home to themselves. We separate the external from the internal and focus on what they can control: how to know, accept, love, and honor themselves.
If you’re tired of trying to live into the version of you that everyone else will fully accept… maybe it’s time to start learning what it looks like to fill that need internally instead?
If you don’t know where to start, I’m here to help. I’m ready to hold safe and nonjudgmental space for your journey back home to yourself. You don’t have to face that inner critic on your own.
Your first session is always on me.
You would be shocked by how quickly the healing can begin when you have the support of a coach. I would be honored to hold that healing space for you.