This one is for the moms...

I’ve recently been so aware of the apologetic nature of numerous conversations among my fellow moms. So many of these wonderful women, whom I love and respect for their individuality, seem so eager to apologize and justify away their every choice and mistake in motherhood. They are so anxious to compare their parenting choices with someone else’s, and I get it because I’m guilty of it too.

I think every one of us is just looking for external validation that we are “doing it right.” And the thing is… aren’t there a million different versions of doing motherhood the “right” way?!? I really think we overcomplicate the whole experience.

Do you love your child? Are you doing everything in your power to keep them safe and healthy? Are your parenting choices being influenced by loving concern for your child? Are you sometimes just doing what is best for you and them in that very moment? Well, then….

YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT.

If you are the brand new mom barely home from the hospital with a fresh little bundle and wondering what those nurses were thinking letting you just walk away with a baby in your arms when you have no idea what on earth you are doing… sweet Mama, you are doing it right. You have everything it takes and you will figure it out!

If you are the mama with 3 under 5 and you constantly feel like it’s a battle just to keep everyone clean, fed, and frankly ALIVE by the end of each day… You are doing it right! Survival mode doesn’t last forever my friend, but it’s a completely legitimate phase of motherhood.

If you are the mother bringing your little guy back into the dentist for yet another cavity filling despite all of your brushing, flossing, and keeping candy to the minimum efforts… lady you are doing it right! Even with the best of efforts, some things with children simply cannot be avoided.

If you are the mama working from home, the one working outside your home, or the one “just” working as a homemaker…

If you are the mother at the drive-thru window, or the one planning daily 3-course meals…

If you are the mother reading all of the parenting books, or the one reading none of them...

MAMA, YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT.

Let me tell you a secret. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. There is no universal instruction book for motherhood. If that mom next to you seems to have all the answers and suggestions for success, remember to take them with a grain of salt. What is right for her child may not be what works best for you and yours.

I am a firm believer that the only way to truly fail is to stop trying. Are you going to make mistakes--even major ones--in your motherhood journey? Abso-freakin-lutely.

But do you know what mistakes are? They are evidence that you are trying! More importantly, they are evidence that you are human.

At the end of the day, I assure you that your kids don’t need a “perfect” mom. What they do need is a perfect-for-them mom, and that is you, my friend. If you are simply showing up in your motherhood every day to the best of your ability and know-how, then I assure you…

YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT.

Keep up the good work. You’ve got this, and those kids are the luckiest to have you!

Personal Bill of Rights

Have you ever tried drafting your own personal Bill or Rights?

The first 10 amendments to the American Constitution are commonly referred to as The Bill of Rights. This document outlines the citizens' rights in relation to their government and spells out their protections. Likewise, drafting a Personal Bill of Rights for yourself can help you to identify how you will allow yourself to be treated in relation to the people and world around you. It can also be a powerful way to reconnect with how you want to behave in relation to yourself.

I have completed this activity multiple times throughout my years of therapy and personal development work. Some phrases seem to stay the same across the years and others seem to come and go, depending on the stage of life I find myself in. Currently, my Personal Bill of Rights consists of the following reminders...

My Bill of Rights - 2023

• I am allowed to take up space in the world.

• I am allowed to exhibit pain and weakness.

• My emotions do not have to make sense to anyone else.

• It's ok for me to need space and time to myself.

• I do not have to take responsibility for the feelings, actions, and behaviors of other people.

• I am allowed to need other people and ask for help.

• I have the right to prioritize my own safety needs.

• I am allowed to fail, apologize, and try again.

• I am allowed to lean into my own internal knowing.

• I am allowed to pursue my own peace and joy.

• I have the right to change and grow.

• I am allowed to love myself without condition.

• I have the right to say NO when I do not have the capacity.

• I am allowed to disappoint other people - even the ones that I deeply care about.

• I have the right to rest.

• I am allowed to have priorities that don't align with anyone else.

• I am allowed to be a human with needs.

Often, as adults, we forget that we no longer require permission from any outside authority to believe certain things or act in certain ways. A Personal Bill of Rights is an incredible way to reclaim your own authority and give yourself explicit permission to be treated in the ways that you deserve. Once you acknowledge the rights that you want to claim for yourself, you will be much more empowered to uphold and protect what you deserve.

Love Ability

Did you know that the amount of love that you receive from other people has absolutely nothing to do with how 'lovable' you are?

If other people struggle to love you as you are, that is a reflection of them and not you. It has nothing to do with your 'lovability,' and everything to do with the other person's ability to love.

If your parents or grandparents withheld love, that was a reflection of their own lack of capacity. It had nothing to do with how worthy or deserving you were of their love.

If you are still carrying the sting of being dumped or rejected, please remember that it had nothing to do with how lovable you were. They simply lacked the ability to love in the way that you needed or deserved.

You do not ever need to do anything differently or be any different than you are in order to access more love.

Your lovability is inherently, unconditionally absolute. You are as lovable and worthy right now as you were on the day that you came into this world.

Another person's lack of love ability is never a reflection of your 'lovability.'

You are 100% whole, worthy, and infinitely lovable. You always have been. You always will be.

No need to go chasing after love from those who simply lack the capacity and ability to offer it to you.

Instead, why not try increasing your own capacity and ability to offer unconditional love to yourself?

That is a skill that you will never regret cultivating.

Bonus: When you increase your ability to love yourself, you are actually increasing your overall love ability.

This will radiate into all of your other relationships and interactions. The overall result is that you get to experience feeling more love more often. Who doesn't want that?

Love always feels good. It's a win-win situation.

For more insight on this topic and how to increase your overall ability to generate more love for yourself, be sure to check out Episode 9 of the Podcast!